And You Wonder Why You're NOT Married III

So,where did we leave off? Oh, I remember, we were discussing ways for you to come out on the winning
 of the "I'm not married dilemma".  Well ladies, after establishing and sticking to your standards, the next and possibly most challenging aspect of the whole situation is re-evaluation of priorities.

What is the re-evaluation of priorities? Well, its seeing the whole situation from another perspective. Many women seem to like a man that does not like or want them at all, and yet there is usually a man who really would love them, respect them, take good care of them etc...but the ladies don't seem to want that particular brother.

I'm NOT suggesting that one should marry or date someone they find unattractive or undesirable in any way. However, I am saying that its good to re-evaluate what's really important. Most ladies say they are looking for someone to love them and be faithful and true to them. Even though many say all that "independent stuff", women want a man to provide. Maybe not all the material stuff but they want him to be able to do some stuff for them. And hey, why not? A man should be able to provide. That's his job, right? Of course it is.

With that in mind ladies, consider that guy that is always in your corner and looks out for you. Saves you a good seat in church or at the musical or concert, makes sure he gives you or burns you the latest music, gives you a jump when your car is dead, changes your tire, takes your son to get a haircut, runs to the store for you when you're tired or the weather is bad. Those are the type of guys that will love you sincerely. Sometimes, that guy is a friend. Sometimes, he is in another package. Maybe he didn't ride in on a stallion, maybe he drove up in a pick up truck. He may not dress the best but maybe he is willing to be just yours and yours alone. You can help him dress. Why go with the guy who is a "challenge" but then dogs you out like you are less than trash? Its all about what is really important.

Now I know some of you may be thinking, "I just can't be with anyone", "he gotta be a challenge",  and all those other excuses. Well, you have all those excuses then "You Wonder Why You're Not Married!!!" Don't be hung up on hang ups. Be something that someone would WANT to marry. Would you marry you if you were a man? Really soul search. Would you? You're lying!! No you wouldn't!! Seriously, work on the things that you KNOW are keeping you single. That irresponsibility, laziness, sloppiness, nasty attitude, conceit, arrogance, lethargy, chickenheadedness, overbearing, bad promiscuous reputation, lack of class, ghetto, hood rat, dependency, inability to mentally stimulate, boring, no drive, complacency, simplemindedness, bad habits, drama queen syndrome, prima donna syndrome, overly emotional and sensitive and on and on. Get rid of it! Give it up. Turn it loose. Then, prepare for wedding bells. I'll be the first to dance at your wedding. Until next time, Brothers, you are next.

And You Wonder Why You're NOT Married II

I lived!! I survived! I was hit by some of the daggers that were thrown at me because of the last blog! However, I'm quite sure that I will incur some damage on the count of this next edition of "The Quick and Dirty".


We are discussing why we're NOT married. Why aren't you married? I'm sure you desire to be some day (maybe). Maybe circumstances are your problem, and maybe YOU are the circumstance that IS your problem. In the last edition, I outlined a few possible reasons that you may still be single. Whiny, needy, irresponsible women, etc.. will not be married quickly. 


Trust me ladies, a man is not interested in a woman that he can trust with his heart but not his wallet. Or if you say "tell me dirty joke" and he says "The kitchen" and laughs, Its not going to work. These are sure fire ways to make sure that you are singing "One is the lonliest number".Why would someone marry a person with the same weaknesses as them? Amplified by the fact that everything going on around us in society causes men to RUN from marriage.


The music we hear, talks about being ballers, players, and men sleeping with and desiring all the women in the world. Movies don't help either, many of them involve infidelity and it is made to look a lot more appealing than being faithful. We see so much free sex in the music videos, T.V., movies, we are constantly inundated by a myriad of reasons not to be married. Besides "alimony" and "child support" are curse words to a man.


The deck is really stacked against the instituion of marriage. So how do you beat the odds? What can you do to change this set of circumstances? I will tell you. Its all very simple


1. Its not the enemy, its the "inner me". A blind man once said "the keenest eye is the one that looks inward". Look into yourself. If you really search, you KNOW why you're alone. If you don't see why, then you're not looking hard enough. Now, no one is perfect but learning to hone and develop things that will be effective as a wife will greatly improve your odds. Developing things like cooking, maintaining a clean house, managing finance, balancing a well kept family (if you have children) all while looking good, you are on your way to succeeding where others have failed


2. The golden standard. Ok, I know what I'm gonna say sounds impossible but its the only way. WOMEN UNITE!! As long as you guys are fragmented and divided, you will never win. Women must hold men to a higher standard! Don't accept a mans foolishness. Demand your respect. Not by have a nasty attitued and pouting like a child. Not by standing by the car door until he opens it for you. That is at best stupid and foolish. But you demand respect by carrying yourself with respect and keeping a standard. That is what makes a man want to be that gentleman.




We will discuss more solutions in the next edition of "The Quick and Dirty". Stay Tuned for more

And You Wonder Why You're NOT Married

Oh my Goodness!! Why do I do this to myself every time!? I have to be crazy! Now, I do realize that after this blog, I'm gonna need security. Some of the ladies may try to kill me. At least the ones who fall into the catagories that I will explain shortly. Others will take it and apply it to life and get the great results, that many people testify to me about, from reading "The Quick and Dirty".

What I'm going to talk about in this blog is not an attack on women. It is information. Information that will help you to better understand the mindset of men in general. Trust me, I'm coming for the men next. All men are created equal but all men are not equal. At least not in the way that we think.

I hear many women say that "we out number men 7 to 1 in some places and age groups", "there are many men in prison, married or gay and there are no good ones left", "men are DOGS", "men don't want 'good' women", "men can't be faithful", "if I stick to my guns and do right, then a man will just go down the street to the next one". The list goes on and on. Though many of these things that women say may be true to some extent, it is not the "be all and end all".

So what do we think about why many women aren't married? Well, isn't it obvious? Men don't want to get married because of WOMEN!! I'm sorry, SOMEBODY had to say it. Well, there it is in nutshell.

Understand this ladies. Men are very simple creatures. We are not complex AT ALL. The Quick and Dirty on this is pretty simple. If you make life easier, we will stay. If life increases in difficulty when you are around, then "its a wrap".

Ok, I can feel the daggers and the comments coming as we speak. But hey, it is what it is.

There is another reason. I just recently read an article that explains that many men don't want to get married for fearful reasons. More men fear a failed marriage more than being single. See, divorces can be ugly and messy (but they are necessary at times for infidelity, domestic violence, etc...). The thought of men having to deal with an ugly court battle, child support, alimony, visitation rights, another man "around my kids" syndrome, being a statistic, the list is endless, is a very unnerving thought. Who wants to be bothered with all that? Why would he trade his freedom, peace and quiet, not having to "report in" to somebody, can do what he wants with his money, can come and go as he pleases, etc... for a captivity that has more than a 50% chance of failure? More than 50% percent of all marriages are ending in divorce.

If that isn't enough, some women don't help at all. The silliness, and ridiculous petty drama does not make us want to take our chances with the "M" word. Believe it or not, no man (in his right mind) wants to be married to a woman who's life resembles a "Housewives of Atlanta" episode. A man wants a good intelligent woman with good sense and maturity.

If you are a woman who whines a lot, you are going to be SINGLE. Would you like some cheese with all that  whine? Constant pouting and whining is irritating to a man. Our train of thought is very simple. If she is just my "girlfriend" then I can leave when she starts whining. If she is my "wife" then I have to live with it. Guess we ain't getting married.

Are you needy? If you are, another need you have (no pun intended) is to recognize that you are gonna be checking that "single" box on your tax forms. Needy women are going to be single! Why, because a needy woman will drain a man dry. Not just financially but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically. A man wants a woman who is capable of functioning while he is not present. In other words, he wants a woman who can "hold it down".

Now, it is a mans nature to want to be a woman's "knight in shining armor" but not necessarily every single day. That kind of rescuing would wear out every knight at the round table! Understand that a man is there to help you and will gladly do anything that you desire. However, he wants a woman and doesn't want to raise a daughter. Balance is key. Even if you are very independent, its good to show some "selective vulnerability".

 See ladies, its not bad so far. In the next edition of  "The Quick and Dirty" we will delve deeper in why some women aren't married and how you can change it. Stay tuned for more.

But you say He's/She's just a friend III !!!

Finally, my friends, we are coming to the end of our journey into ever changing world of friends

of the opposite sex. In our finale of this edition of "The Quick and Dirty" we will discuss how to come out on the winning side of the dilemma.

Can you actually win? Is it better to just leave it like it is? Or, is it just BURNING inside you to tell

them or it will drive you CRAZY!!?

Well my friends, you are in luck! YES WE CAN! I'm not President Obama but we can win this friend challenge, even if you mess up a little. So I will give you the "Terry 'Pep' Carter Bailout Plan". I guess this will be as good a time as any to issue my disclaimer. If you have already egregiously messed up with a friend, I may just be able to get you back to level ground. For you that have messed up, you can call this the "Terry 'Pep' Carter Double or Nothing plan".

1. Carefully assess the risk. Okay, you have to take into account all the

pros and cons. Really analyze the situation. See do you really have feelings for them or is it just a phase. Do you have reason to believe they have feelings for you? Can you accept if they tell you the feeling isn't mutual? Can you perform if the feeling is mutual? Can you accept being just a friend? Answer these questions and proceed further, or proceed no further.

2. Plan carefully. If you have made it to this second principle then you

have realized that you have true feelings for the person. Now its time to plan. How will you tell them? When will you tell them? What is their current situation and state of mind? What would give you the best advantage in your endeavor. You must figure out these and other

things? Though it is illegal in trading commodities, use inside information to answer these and other questions. That point will lead us to the third principle.

3. Take advantage of them! OK, I'm just kidding. Settle down! In all sincerity, use your advantages! You know your friend well, you should know what they like and what they don't. You know what turns them on and off. They trust you and confide in you. If you really have true feelings for them, cause them to explore the possibilities of another level of relationship. But how? Well, with the fourth principle of course! Which is.........

4. Show not tell! Not show AND tell! Guys, if you are out with your female friend, be attentive to her, be a gentleman. Don't look around at other woman and comment on their upper and lower anatomy. Pay for her meal, or movie etc... Look into her eyes when she talks to you. Engage in

conversation that is meaningful to her, open doors for her, hold her hand if you have to cross the street (then let go after you reach the other side). Smile at her, compliment her, not flatter her. Flattery usually always has a hidden agenda. A compliment is sincere and genuine. Let

her know that you respect her and that you think highly of her. This will move you to the next level if done correctly and sincerely.

Ladies, if you are out with your male friend who you have feelings for, look nice for him. Have you hair looking nice. Have a Mani/pedi done. TRUST, guys DO pay attention!! Men are visual

creatures. Don't assume that just because you guys are friends and he may have seen you on a bad hair day or with your hands and feet "chipped" up or without a "fill in", that he wants to see that all the time. Don't bombard him with silly senseless conversation about the woman on your job who is trying to destroy you, or who was talking about you, or what hater didn't like your hair, how lonely you are and how guys are no good, or your latest gossip, etc... Instead, talk about things that are stimulating. Show that you are intelligent,have good sense, and are well

rounded. Current events, music, hobbies, movies, philosophical ideas, etc... are good things to discuss in an intelligent fashion. Ask him about his passion, his current endeavors. If you talk about a mans passion, he will open up to you.

5. If you have followed the first 4 principles, then you should be in position for the fifth and final principle. Water the plant, don't drown it! This is the most important principle. If you water a plant excessively,

then you will kill it. If you water it wisely then it will grow and flourish. Don't over saturate the individual. If you do the 5 principle that we just discussed, then the person will be thinking about you and will be considering a relationship with you. Maintain the gain. Don't overdo it. Ladies, don't give in to complex emotions when you see progress. Guys don't over saturate her

and irritate her. Let things germinate and blossom. Keep on doing what you do to interest them and the seeds will grow. You will love the results.

But you say He's/She's just a friend II !!!

In the last edition of "The Quick and Dirty", we discussed friends of the opposite sex crossing the line and becoming lovers. Great idea, right? NOT!! Well lets say, maybe not. Many of us have experienced the awkwardness and uneasiness of the aftermath of crossing the line with a friend of the opposite sex. You lose, not once, but twice when you do! Why? Because you lose a level of relationship with a friend, and you strike out on a lover!

However, the converse is also true. Some friends have crossed the line and have been jovial and

full of bliss ever since.

How do you know when to make the move and when not to? What do you want to avoid? What are some signs to look for?
First, you must see if it is really true attraction that you feel. Since its quite natural to develop feelings for an opposite sex friend, its very possible to just be going through a phase. The best way to know if it is real is if you have ALWAYS felt this way about your friend. If you've had feelings other than friendship but have settled for the friend role out of fear, then your feelings are probably real. If that person is all you think about constantly, then your feelings are real. If you are just curious about how they are in a romantic relationship as opposed to a friendship, then leave it alone. Trust me, the grass is greener with the friendship. Why? Because once she expects and demands more from you as her MAN and not just a friend, you will soon tire of the new pressure.

Understand that you are curious and you THINK you like them because of the closeness of the friendship. You like the fact that you can talk about other members of the opposite sex and they don't trip. You comment on how good other men/women look and they just chime in and agree. You can talk to them about anything and they don't judge you. They don't ask who you are with, trip on you if you're out late, ask who is clicking in on the other line and act even worse when you

say "let me call you back". You guys never argue or fight because there is no pressure. SURE YOU ENJOY THAT!! Who wouldn't!! However, I hate to burst your bubble, but you are at best

INSANE if you think that a relationship will be like that!!

A person who is just a friend doesn't expect certain things from you. However, that SAME friend of yours will completely flip the script on you when the line is crossed. You are dealing with their heart, emotions, commitment etc... and the game changes drastically when you get in that deep my friend (no pun intended).

Now I know some of you reading this edition of "The Quick and Dirty" and are teaming with a myriad of exceptions to the rule. Though there may be a few exceptions, there is a pretty constant rule. In the finale of this blog. We will discuss how to come out on the winning side of the "friend" dilemma. Stay tuned, there is more to come......

But you say He's/She's just a friend!!

In every edition of "The Quick and Dirty" I seem to dig myself a little deeper in the hole. Well, this edition will be no different because we will be talking about one of the most challenging subjects in all of male and female interaction. That is:" SHOULD YOU MAKE A LOVER OUT OF A FRIEND?"

Much conventional wisdom will tell you NO! Others may say YES! What's really going on? Musiq Soulchild summed it up greatly in his song "Half Crazy". The song describes a scenario of a male and female that were platonic friends and crossed the line. The ensuing verses described the demise of their friendship.

Well, that could be the outcome. Then again, maybe not. After all, aren't lovers supposed to be friends? All of the "advice" people tell you to "develop a friendship first". Wouldn't your friend be an ideal candidate for a relationship? Why not? You spend time together, share secrets, see to each others needs, help one another. The only thing missing is the "romantic" element, right? Are you crazy!!?

Well, maybe you are, maybe you're not. It may not be a bad idea but before you go and do it, let me give you the quick and dirty on the "friend dilemma".

Firstly, its natural to have feelings for the opposite sex. Guys, if you share secrets, time, food, ideas, etc... with a woman, or, if she makes you sandwiches or saves you some left overs from dinner last night, or picks up your favorite movie on sale at Wal Mart, or knows where you have to be and when because you are so forgetful, it is perfectly normal to become sweet on her. Ladies, if every time you have a flat tire, or need that heavy box or article of furniture moved or, need someone to wash your car, or go to a dealership or mechanic shop with you so that you don't get taken advantage of, and you call your guy friend, its perfectly normal if you develop feelings for him. After all, isn't that what you look for in a mate? The support or the validation?

But does that mean that you should try to push the envelope? Not necessarily. What you will find in most cases is that those feelings are, many times, a phase that people naturally go through. Trust that all that nice sweet stuff stops when an individual develops expectations. See, its all fun and games when a woman has no expectation of you as a "lover". If she becomes your woman, things change. It is similar to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Once they ate of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, the whole scenario changed! When certain lines are crossed between a woman and man, things are never the same. Sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worst.

How would we know when to pursue the prospect of going to the next level with a friend? What if the friend didn't feel the same? Would there be a change in the friendship on either end? What if the other person feels the same but doesn't know how to express it? We will uncover this and more in the next edition of "The Quick and Dirty". Stay tuned for part II.

Long Distance Relationships. To Do or Not to Do

This edition of the Quick and Dirty Blog goes out to my friend Katoria Carter. Much love to her for addressing such an interesting topic. That topic is, of course...drum roll... Long distance relationships.

Long distance relationships can be a challenge to say the least. Usually, the first thing that comes to mind is the

whole issue of

trust. Many believe "out of

sight, out of mind" is greatly at work. I

mean, how do you really know if the other person is trustworthy? Are they really being faithful? Especially if they are on, let's say, a university campus, or major metropolitan area etc.... Is it a far stretch of the imagination to believe that their eye can quickly stray and their attention easily arrested? Besides, who's gonna tell? Who would know that they have a significant other 300 miles or more away?

Of course, everything starts off great at first. However when in the thick of things, one can easily forget about their significant other in the all encompassing nature of life itself. Responsibilities, obligations, classes, negotiating a new environment, "learning the ropes" etc... can consume an individual. Not to mention trying to balance a long distance relationship.

They are not all bad though. They can actually be great. A long distance relationship can

help you appreciate your significant other since you don't see them all the time. That way, you don't bicker and fuss and fight over tiny minuscule things. They can cause you to be more creative and resourceful in communicating with one another, thereby strengthening your

relationship. A long distance relationship can also cause you to really appreciate a person and see their value ever so clearly.

So, how can you build trust and show affection in a long distance relationship? I will give you the quick and dirty on how to accomplish this.

1. Plan your work and work your plan. You must have a plan. Long distance relationships are at best an exercise in futility if there is no plan. At some point you must plan to live in the same place or it won't work. You must have a realistic time table and method of how you will work things out. There should also be a plan B. Why? Because things in life seldom ever go according to plan. Make room in your plan for

incidental things in life that could possibly occur.

2. Use technology. Today, there are so many ways to communicate with technology. There is Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, iChat (for my Mac

people), text messages, cell phones, e mail, web cam platforms etc... technology has made the world so much smaller. As a matter of fact. You are only six people away from knowing everyone in the world! Leaving messages and posting affectionate things on their pages etc... are a good way to let your significant other know that they are in your thoughts.

3. Be creative. Use Windows Movie maker, or Mac's iLife (if you have a Mac) to make a slide show and send it to your significant other, send camera photos to one another (depending on your plan). Have a consistent time that you meet on Skype or iChat everyday, have a joint account for airline tickets, exchange mp3 players (via mail) and have specific playlists for one another, play online games together, whether on something like Sony Playstation, Or Nintendo, or just an online game community etc..., set up a couple's Myspace or Facebook, or Twitter or Thefaithspot.com etc... page. The support of

friends and loved ones will help strengthen the bond between you two. Make videos of yourself with friends and having fun so that your significant other can feel a part and load it on Youtube. Come up with your own creative ideas to show affection and be a part of their life even though you are miles away.

4. Be faithful. At the end of the day, relationships all come down to L-O-V-E. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Remain faithful. Be honest with one another. You must discipline yourself to resist temptation. A relationship is a lot like an interest bearing bank account. If you invest in it and stay true to it, you will reap great dividends from it. If you take

from it, you will deplete all of your funds, pay

huge penalties, and end up broke (up). You know you can trust your significant other when they are at a long distance and remain faithful to you. That trust will greatly help you in the

future.

High Maintenance Women (Who's Right)

I may really go down for this one! Though I am one who is quite acquainted with controversy as it relates to "The Quick and Dirty", I guess, even for me, I'm really pushing it this time. This blog is all about the so called "High Maintenance Women".

First, What is a High Maintenance Woman? Second, does she have a right to be high maintenance? Third is she worth it?

A high maintenance woman is a woman who knows her worth and doesn't mind letting a man know that she will accept no less. Could she be defined as the materialistic, gold digging, mani/pedi, spa treatment, user who wants to do nothing more than drain a mans wallet and rule his world? The answer is YES!

Is she worth it? Well, that all depends on the man. The thing that makes a high maintenance woman "high Maintenance" is...Drum roll.......the effectiveness of her ability to convince a man that she is worth it! That's all it is!! High maintenance is relative. If she convinces a man that she is worth all the material as well as emotional perks, then she will get what she wants from any man. Men will willfully do all of their bidding, and much more just for a chance

to be in their company or to be able to say "I'm with her". They will become the "whipped" or "sprung" man that is carrying around the woman's purse in the mall while she tries on a million new outfits that HE is about to pay for!

Is she wrong? Not at all! Any woman that knows her worth is well worth any perks that are given to her. However, a man must consider, is he getting a good ROI or Return On Investment. If you do shower her with gifts and give in to her whims and bend over backwards to please her, do you get that same in return for your sacrifice? Does she render that back to you in respect and sharing etc...?

If not, then Bro, you are getting PLAYED and are well on your way to getting the "All Day Sucker Award". Remember that worth is relative. She is only worth it if she is rendering to you the same level of love etc.... So Brothers, here is the quick and dirty on how you deal with a High Maintenance Woman

1. Don't get caught up. Its of utmost importance to remain grounded regardless of a woman's beauty, charm, sex appeal, or manner. Though those characteristics are wonderful, do not let them fool you into going on a fools errand with no "gold at the end of the rainbow". Keep your wits about you. No matter how good she looks or how much charm she has, If there is no return on investment, then its a liability and not an asset.

2. Pace yourself. Don't fall into that trap of trying to woo a woman by offering her gifts and prizes.

Many women will take the gifts but still not render you the due respect that you so well deserve (if you are an honest faithful man). Don't start out with big gifts, if you do, then they

will have to get even bigger as time goes on. The woman's expectation will increase. Instead, take advantage of a woman's fancy of "little things". Sending cards, a single rose, a picnic in the park, a walk on the beach, complimenting her, being gentle and caring, rubbing her feet, writing her a poem. These are things that don't cost much if anything but some time and thought. Start there and build up to the bigger material things later.

3. Be willing to abort the mission. A woman that knows that she has has you "hen pecked" will never fully respect you. If a woman doesn't respect you or takes you for granted then be not afraid to leave. Trust me, there are many more fish in the sea. It will cost you a lot less in in the long run.

You Can Learn A Lot From A Prostitute

Now that I have your attention, please allow me to explain. First and foremost, I don't condone any part of prostitution. It is without a doubt one of the most immoral occupations in the world even though it is said to be the oldest occupation in the world.

I guess that disclaimer really puts me behind the 8 ball now. Nevertheless, I will give you the quick and dirty on what a lady can learn from a "lady of the night".

1. First of all, no service is free, everything has a price. A customer (aka: John) must pay for service. Ladies, you should not give free service. I am not referring to sex now. Your time, your conversation, your attention, gifts, catering, your company etc... These things and others constitute value. You are a woman of great and phenomenal value! Be not afraid to demand the highest price for your value. You must be compensated well because NO ONE can be a better YOU than YOU! Make him pay with kindness, attention, respect, affection, committment and some dinner dates too!! If you don't know your value then you will never get what you really are really worthy of.

2. The more he comes back, the higher the price. Obviously, if he keeps coming back, then there is something about you he likes. Think of the "price increase" as "inflation". You are in very short supply and there is a great demand. Automatically, the price goes up!! If he does not want to give what you are worth in respect, consideration, affection etc... then he is not worth your time and it would be best to let him go on his way. If he doesn't keep coming back, don't run after him! Women of value don't beg consumers, consumers seek them out. Trust me, there are many others. Your value is not in question, HIS sight IS! There may be many women but there is only one YOU and YOU make all the difference in the world!

3. Be the best at it! You should have a doctorate degree in "YOUology". Once you get him, its time to perform. Be that woman of value and class and integrity that you claim to be. Be the best you and display daily why your value is more than any other and thats what "keeps 'em comin' back".

These principles can really help you if you work them. Know what your value is and demand it before any "service" is given. This is what you can learn from a prostitute.

Getting your "Swag" on

Without a doubt, one of the most popular words in, not only, hip hop culture, but in popular culture is the word "Swagger" or "Swag". Though a precise definition of "swag" is difficult to ascertain, it could be generally defined as: one's personal style or manner in which they carry themselves. It is that unique spark that separates an individual from all the rest.

Some have been able to profit from their swagger while others are still looking for it. Individuals such as Sean "Diddy" Combs, Jay Z, Beyonce', 50 Cent, and others have mesmerized us with their self confidence and charisma and thereby, profiting from their swagger, but, how can you profit from developing your swagger?

How can you not just make an impression, but an impact on those around you? How can you get a complete makeover without spending one red cent? Well, I will show you in just a few quick steps. You got a moment?

It is important for you to realize that not all profit is financial. Some profit is happiness, self confidence, respect from others, a fresh new outlook and perspective, an increase in opportunity, more excitement and a better sense of purpose. By finding and developing your swag, you can achieve all the above and much more.

1. What is your social fingerprint? that spark that makes you different from everyone else. The primary and most important thing is to discover the thing that makes you, you!! What is it that makes you an individual? Is it your, walk, your dress, your personality, your creativity, the way you talk, your talent? Search yourself and find it. I purposely did not include asking others what do they find different about you. Other people can only judge from a limited frame of reference. Most times, they will put you in a box with everyone else. When you find it and KNOW it for yourself, you increase your self confidence and come closer to developing your swag.
2. Be unapologetically YOU. Make people look at you with a Hubble telescope instead of a microscope! Consider Muhammed Ali. He was, arguably, the greatest heavy weight boxing champ of all time. He was said to be "The man you love to hate". Whether you loved or hated him, he never changed. He never apologized for anything he did as it relates to being who he was. His result, He was one of the most famous men that ever lived!! Be you unapologetically. Celebrate your uniqueness!
3. Get over people!! A person can only be what you allow them to be in your mind. At the end of the day, we are all human. Black, white, rich, poor, wrong, right, we are all human beings. Do not concern yourself with the thoughts of people. You will never please everyone. YOU are the ONLY person who has to live with YOU 24/7. You should be the one that you aim to please before anyone. 1/3 of your life you spend sleeping, another 1/3 you spend at work. It is that final 1/3 that you actually live in! Spend that 1/3 with confidence and get the maximum out of it.
4. Change the lens in your mental camera. Enlarge the way you think of yourself! Change your perception of you. You are a great person with value and potential. You live in a time of endless opportunity. You incite excitement and adventure with your presence! Speak well and positive of yourself! Celebrate your own greatness! If you wait for others you will never get a celebration. You must celebrate yourself regardless of the approval of others. If you have applied the second principle, then you are "unapologetically you". Be who you are without reservation, fear, insecurity, or guilt. Be not afraid to think of yourself as a worthy individual. Would President Barak Obama be the president now if he had succumbed to the thoughts of others? You can have an equally great story! Why, because you are the author of your own book.

By doing these things, you will be well on your way to developing that swagger. It is important to note that developing your confidence is not arrogance. Arrogance looks down on others in order to puff itself up. Arrogance thinks highly of itself by lowly of others. Truly great people recognize greatness in others and seek to be around it. Great people associate with other great people. Let your inner greatness shine and it will attract other great people. Allow me to be the first to welcome you to the new you!!

Ladies Rules on How to Get the Guy YOU WANT!

Ladies, I hear many of you say all the time that you never get the kind of guy that you WANT. Then many of you go on to say that you always seem to attract the "losers" or the "crazies" or the "Stalkers" etc..... Well how do you attract the guy that you want?

In the age of many books about how to "think like a man" and so many other things, I am going to give you the quick and dirty about how to do it and save you a lot of money.

1. Check yourself! James Allen very emphatically says in "As A Man Thinketh" that "A man does not attract what he wants, he attracts what he is". First thing, ladies, see what you are. What is your vibe? What kind of energy do you project? Quite possibly, that may be the reason that you don't attract the guy that you want. Learn to project and, more importantly, become confidence, surety, positivity, and grace. By doing this, your positive energy and confidence will begin to be a magnet to men of quality.

2. Enlarge your thoughts. Men have relationships with women that are interesting, intriguing, and intelligent, they will have "relations" with almost any woman. Being able to converse intelligently about fantasy football, the latest "guy flick", UFC fighters, gadgets, and other things cause a guy to yearn for more of your conversation. Mental stimulation is a must for men. Also understanding what a man is into and asking him questions about it is very helpful. Men are attracted to any thing that is attracted to their passion.

3. Dress the part. It is often said that women dress for other women and not for men. That debate could rage on for eternity. What is true about it is that a man doesn't want a relationship with a woman who dresses "slutty" or "trampish". She may get a few glances and a trip to the boudoir but not an introduction to Mom. A man doesn't want HIS woman showing all her goods to every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the street. Being fashion savvy and dressing stylishly are great qualities, in addition, dressing event appropriate and with class are great ways to attract the man that you WANT

4. Less is always more. The less attention you give to a man, the more he will want your attention and will do whatever it takes to get it. Don't "sell" your attention so "cheaply"!! It is a mans nature to be competitive. We are creatures of conquest. A man will work for what he sees value in. If something comes easy to him, ie: sex, attention, catering, gifts etc.... he will take it for granted and will not value it. If he has to work and work hard for it he will appreciate and value it, thereby valuing YOU.

5.Be willing to walk. My mother always says "say what you mean and mean what you say". Do not say "I'm finished with you " just to get back the next day. If a man has behavior that is contradistinctive to what you want, then you must be strong enough to leave. A man will respect a woman that is strong and confident and has self respect. Though some men will "try" you. As a woman you must be willing to walk away and close the door if necessary. When a man understands that you are willing to go to the edge if necessary, he will respect you and will not try to push you to your limit. Respect is the foundation of any successful relationship.