Tuesday, August 18, 2009

But you say He's/She's just a friend!!

In every edition of "The Quick and Dirty" I seem to dig myself a little deeper in the hole. Well, this edition will be no different because we will be talking about one of the most challenging subjects in all of male and female interaction. That is:" SHOULD YOU MAKE A LOVER OUT OF A FRIEND?"

Much conventional wisdom will tell you NO! Others may say YES! What's really going on? Musiq Soulchild summed it up greatly in his song "Half Crazy". The song describes a scenario of a male and female that were platonic friends and crossed the line. The ensuing verses described the demise of their friendship.

Well, that could be the outcome. Then again, maybe not. After all, aren't lovers supposed to be friends? All of the "advice" people tell you to "develop a friendship first". Wouldn't your friend be an ideal candidate for a relationship? Why not? You spend time together, share secrets, see to each others needs, help one another. The only thing missing is the "romantic" element, right? Are you crazy!!?

Well, maybe you are, maybe you're not. It may not be a bad idea but before you go and do it, let me give you the quick and dirty on the "friend dilemma".

Firstly, its natural to have feelings for the opposite sex. Guys, if you share secrets, time, food, ideas, etc... with a woman, or, if she makes you sandwiches or saves you some left overs from dinner last night, or picks up your favorite movie on sale at Wal Mart, or knows where you have to be and when because you are so forgetful, it is perfectly normal to become sweet on her. Ladies, if every time you have a flat tire, or need that heavy box or article of furniture moved or, need someone to wash your car, or go to a dealership or mechanic shop with you so that you don't get taken advantage of, and you call your guy friend, its perfectly normal if you develop feelings for him. After all, isn't that what you look for in a mate? The support or the validation?

But does that mean that you should try to push the envelope? Not necessarily. What you will find in most cases is that those feelings are, many times, a phase that people naturally go through. Trust that all that nice sweet stuff stops when an individual develops expectations. See, its all fun and games when a woman has no expectation of you as a "lover". If she becomes your woman, things change. It is similar to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Once they ate of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, the whole scenario changed! When certain lines are crossed between a woman and man, things are never the same. Sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worst.

How would we know when to pursue the prospect of going to the next level with a friend? What if the friend didn't feel the same? Would there be a change in the friendship on either end? What if the other person feels the same but doesn't know how to express it? We will uncover this and more in the next edition of "The Quick and Dirty". Stay tuned for part II.

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