But you say He's/She's just a friend II !!!

In the last edition of "The Quick and Dirty", we discussed friends of the opposite sex crossing the line and becoming lovers. Great idea, right? NOT!! Well lets say, maybe not. Many of us have experienced the awkwardness and uneasiness of the aftermath of crossing the line with a friend of the opposite sex. You lose, not once, but twice when you do! Why? Because you lose a level of relationship with a friend, and you strike out on a lover!

However, the converse is also true. Some friends have crossed the line and have been jovial and

full of bliss ever since.

How do you know when to make the move and when not to? What do you want to avoid? What are some signs to look for?
First, you must see if it is really true attraction that you feel. Since its quite natural to develop feelings for an opposite sex friend, its very possible to just be going through a phase. The best way to know if it is real is if you have ALWAYS felt this way about your friend. If you've had feelings other than friendship but have settled for the friend role out of fear, then your feelings are probably real. If that person is all you think about constantly, then your feelings are real. If you are just curious about how they are in a romantic relationship as opposed to a friendship, then leave it alone. Trust me, the grass is greener with the friendship. Why? Because once she expects and demands more from you as her MAN and not just a friend, you will soon tire of the new pressure.

Understand that you are curious and you THINK you like them because of the closeness of the friendship. You like the fact that you can talk about other members of the opposite sex and they don't trip. You comment on how good other men/women look and they just chime in and agree. You can talk to them about anything and they don't judge you. They don't ask who you are with, trip on you if you're out late, ask who is clicking in on the other line and act even worse when you

say "let me call you back". You guys never argue or fight because there is no pressure. SURE YOU ENJOY THAT!! Who wouldn't!! However, I hate to burst your bubble, but you are at best

INSANE if you think that a relationship will be like that!!

A person who is just a friend doesn't expect certain things from you. However, that SAME friend of yours will completely flip the script on you when the line is crossed. You are dealing with their heart, emotions, commitment etc... and the game changes drastically when you get in that deep my friend (no pun intended).

Now I know some of you reading this edition of "The Quick and Dirty" and are teaming with a myriad of exceptions to the rule. Though there may be a few exceptions, there is a pretty constant rule. In the finale of this blog. We will discuss how to come out on the winning side of the "friend" dilemma. Stay tuned, there is more to come......

But you say He's/She's just a friend!!

In every edition of "The Quick and Dirty" I seem to dig myself a little deeper in the hole. Well, this edition will be no different because we will be talking about one of the most challenging subjects in all of male and female interaction. That is:" SHOULD YOU MAKE A LOVER OUT OF A FRIEND?"

Much conventional wisdom will tell you NO! Others may say YES! What's really going on? Musiq Soulchild summed it up greatly in his song "Half Crazy". The song describes a scenario of a male and female that were platonic friends and crossed the line. The ensuing verses described the demise of their friendship.

Well, that could be the outcome. Then again, maybe not. After all, aren't lovers supposed to be friends? All of the "advice" people tell you to "develop a friendship first". Wouldn't your friend be an ideal candidate for a relationship? Why not? You spend time together, share secrets, see to each others needs, help one another. The only thing missing is the "romantic" element, right? Are you crazy!!?

Well, maybe you are, maybe you're not. It may not be a bad idea but before you go and do it, let me give you the quick and dirty on the "friend dilemma".

Firstly, its natural to have feelings for the opposite sex. Guys, if you share secrets, time, food, ideas, etc... with a woman, or, if she makes you sandwiches or saves you some left overs from dinner last night, or picks up your favorite movie on sale at Wal Mart, or knows where you have to be and when because you are so forgetful, it is perfectly normal to become sweet on her. Ladies, if every time you have a flat tire, or need that heavy box or article of furniture moved or, need someone to wash your car, or go to a dealership or mechanic shop with you so that you don't get taken advantage of, and you call your guy friend, its perfectly normal if you develop feelings for him. After all, isn't that what you look for in a mate? The support or the validation?

But does that mean that you should try to push the envelope? Not necessarily. What you will find in most cases is that those feelings are, many times, a phase that people naturally go through. Trust that all that nice sweet stuff stops when an individual develops expectations. See, its all fun and games when a woman has no expectation of you as a "lover". If she becomes your woman, things change. It is similar to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Once they ate of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, the whole scenario changed! When certain lines are crossed between a woman and man, things are never the same. Sometimes for the better but sometimes for the worst.

How would we know when to pursue the prospect of going to the next level with a friend? What if the friend didn't feel the same? Would there be a change in the friendship on either end? What if the other person feels the same but doesn't know how to express it? We will uncover this and more in the next edition of "The Quick and Dirty". Stay tuned for part II.

Long Distance Relationships. To Do or Not to Do

This edition of the Quick and Dirty Blog goes out to my friend Katoria Carter. Much love to her for addressing such an interesting topic. That topic is, of course...drum roll... Long distance relationships.

Long distance relationships can be a challenge to say the least. Usually, the first thing that comes to mind is the

whole issue of

trust. Many believe "out of

sight, out of mind" is greatly at work. I

mean, how do you really know if the other person is trustworthy? Are they really being faithful? Especially if they are on, let's say, a university campus, or major metropolitan area etc.... Is it a far stretch of the imagination to believe that their eye can quickly stray and their attention easily arrested? Besides, who's gonna tell? Who would know that they have a significant other 300 miles or more away?

Of course, everything starts off great at first. However when in the thick of things, one can easily forget about their significant other in the all encompassing nature of life itself. Responsibilities, obligations, classes, negotiating a new environment, "learning the ropes" etc... can consume an individual. Not to mention trying to balance a long distance relationship.

They are not all bad though. They can actually be great. A long distance relationship can

help you appreciate your significant other since you don't see them all the time. That way, you don't bicker and fuss and fight over tiny minuscule things. They can cause you to be more creative and resourceful in communicating with one another, thereby strengthening your

relationship. A long distance relationship can also cause you to really appreciate a person and see their value ever so clearly.

So, how can you build trust and show affection in a long distance relationship? I will give you the quick and dirty on how to accomplish this.

1. Plan your work and work your plan. You must have a plan. Long distance relationships are at best an exercise in futility if there is no plan. At some point you must plan to live in the same place or it won't work. You must have a realistic time table and method of how you will work things out. There should also be a plan B. Why? Because things in life seldom ever go according to plan. Make room in your plan for

incidental things in life that could possibly occur.

2. Use technology. Today, there are so many ways to communicate with technology. There is Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, iChat (for my Mac

people), text messages, cell phones, e mail, web cam platforms etc... technology has made the world so much smaller. As a matter of fact. You are only six people away from knowing everyone in the world! Leaving messages and posting affectionate things on their pages etc... are a good way to let your significant other know that they are in your thoughts.

3. Be creative. Use Windows Movie maker, or Mac's iLife (if you have a Mac) to make a slide show and send it to your significant other, send camera photos to one another (depending on your plan). Have a consistent time that you meet on Skype or iChat everyday, have a joint account for airline tickets, exchange mp3 players (via mail) and have specific playlists for one another, play online games together, whether on something like Sony Playstation, Or Nintendo, or just an online game community etc..., set up a couple's Myspace or Facebook, or Twitter or Thefaithspot.com etc... page. The support of

friends and loved ones will help strengthen the bond between you two. Make videos of yourself with friends and having fun so that your significant other can feel a part and load it on Youtube. Come up with your own creative ideas to show affection and be a part of their life even though you are miles away.

4. Be faithful. At the end of the day, relationships all come down to L-O-V-E. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Remain faithful. Be honest with one another. You must discipline yourself to resist temptation. A relationship is a lot like an interest bearing bank account. If you invest in it and stay true to it, you will reap great dividends from it. If you take

from it, you will deplete all of your funds, pay

huge penalties, and end up broke (up). You know you can trust your significant other when they are at a long distance and remain faithful to you. That trust will greatly help you in the

future.

High Maintenance Women (Who's Right)

I may really go down for this one! Though I am one who is quite acquainted with controversy as it relates to "The Quick and Dirty", I guess, even for me, I'm really pushing it this time. This blog is all about the so called "High Maintenance Women".

First, What is a High Maintenance Woman? Second, does she have a right to be high maintenance? Third is she worth it?

A high maintenance woman is a woman who knows her worth and doesn't mind letting a man know that she will accept no less. Could she be defined as the materialistic, gold digging, mani/pedi, spa treatment, user who wants to do nothing more than drain a mans wallet and rule his world? The answer is YES!

Is she worth it? Well, that all depends on the man. The thing that makes a high maintenance woman "high Maintenance" is...Drum roll.......the effectiveness of her ability to convince a man that she is worth it! That's all it is!! High maintenance is relative. If she convinces a man that she is worth all the material as well as emotional perks, then she will get what she wants from any man. Men will willfully do all of their bidding, and much more just for a chance

to be in their company or to be able to say "I'm with her". They will become the "whipped" or "sprung" man that is carrying around the woman's purse in the mall while she tries on a million new outfits that HE is about to pay for!

Is she wrong? Not at all! Any woman that knows her worth is well worth any perks that are given to her. However, a man must consider, is he getting a good ROI or Return On Investment. If you do shower her with gifts and give in to her whims and bend over backwards to please her, do you get that same in return for your sacrifice? Does she render that back to you in respect and sharing etc...?

If not, then Bro, you are getting PLAYED and are well on your way to getting the "All Day Sucker Award". Remember that worth is relative. She is only worth it if she is rendering to you the same level of love etc.... So Brothers, here is the quick and dirty on how you deal with a High Maintenance Woman

1. Don't get caught up. Its of utmost importance to remain grounded regardless of a woman's beauty, charm, sex appeal, or manner. Though those characteristics are wonderful, do not let them fool you into going on a fools errand with no "gold at the end of the rainbow". Keep your wits about you. No matter how good she looks or how much charm she has, If there is no return on investment, then its a liability and not an asset.

2. Pace yourself. Don't fall into that trap of trying to woo a woman by offering her gifts and prizes.

Many women will take the gifts but still not render you the due respect that you so well deserve (if you are an honest faithful man). Don't start out with big gifts, if you do, then they

will have to get even bigger as time goes on. The woman's expectation will increase. Instead, take advantage of a woman's fancy of "little things". Sending cards, a single rose, a picnic in the park, a walk on the beach, complimenting her, being gentle and caring, rubbing her feet, writing her a poem. These are things that don't cost much if anything but some time and thought. Start there and build up to the bigger material things later.

3. Be willing to abort the mission. A woman that knows that she has has you "hen pecked" will never fully respect you. If a woman doesn't respect you or takes you for granted then be not afraid to leave. Trust me, there are many more fish in the sea. It will cost you a lot less in in the long run.