And You Wonder Why You're NOT Married III

So,where did we leave off? Oh, I remember, we were discussing ways for you to come out on the winning
 of the "I'm not married dilemma".  Well ladies, after establishing and sticking to your standards, the next and possibly most challenging aspect of the whole situation is re-evaluation of priorities.

What is the re-evaluation of priorities? Well, its seeing the whole situation from another perspective. Many women seem to like a man that does not like or want them at all, and yet there is usually a man who really would love them, respect them, take good care of them etc...but the ladies don't seem to want that particular brother.

I'm NOT suggesting that one should marry or date someone they find unattractive or undesirable in any way. However, I am saying that its good to re-evaluate what's really important. Most ladies say they are looking for someone to love them and be faithful and true to them. Even though many say all that "independent stuff", women want a man to provide. Maybe not all the material stuff but they want him to be able to do some stuff for them. And hey, why not? A man should be able to provide. That's his job, right? Of course it is.

With that in mind ladies, consider that guy that is always in your corner and looks out for you. Saves you a good seat in church or at the musical or concert, makes sure he gives you or burns you the latest music, gives you a jump when your car is dead, changes your tire, takes your son to get a haircut, runs to the store for you when you're tired or the weather is bad. Those are the type of guys that will love you sincerely. Sometimes, that guy is a friend. Sometimes, he is in another package. Maybe he didn't ride in on a stallion, maybe he drove up in a pick up truck. He may not dress the best but maybe he is willing to be just yours and yours alone. You can help him dress. Why go with the guy who is a "challenge" but then dogs you out like you are less than trash? Its all about what is really important.

Now I know some of you may be thinking, "I just can't be with anyone", "he gotta be a challenge",  and all those other excuses. Well, you have all those excuses then "You Wonder Why You're Not Married!!!" Don't be hung up on hang ups. Be something that someone would WANT to marry. Would you marry you if you were a man? Really soul search. Would you? You're lying!! No you wouldn't!! Seriously, work on the things that you KNOW are keeping you single. That irresponsibility, laziness, sloppiness, nasty attitude, conceit, arrogance, lethargy, chickenheadedness, overbearing, bad promiscuous reputation, lack of class, ghetto, hood rat, dependency, inability to mentally stimulate, boring, no drive, complacency, simplemindedness, bad habits, drama queen syndrome, prima donna syndrome, overly emotional and sensitive and on and on. Get rid of it! Give it up. Turn it loose. Then, prepare for wedding bells. I'll be the first to dance at your wedding. Until next time, Brothers, you are next.

And You Wonder Why You're NOT Married II

I lived!! I survived! I was hit by some of the daggers that were thrown at me because of the last blog! However, I'm quite sure that I will incur some damage on the count of this next edition of "The Quick and Dirty".


We are discussing why we're NOT married. Why aren't you married? I'm sure you desire to be some day (maybe). Maybe circumstances are your problem, and maybe YOU are the circumstance that IS your problem. In the last edition, I outlined a few possible reasons that you may still be single. Whiny, needy, irresponsible women, etc.. will not be married quickly. 


Trust me ladies, a man is not interested in a woman that he can trust with his heart but not his wallet. Or if you say "tell me dirty joke" and he says "The kitchen" and laughs, Its not going to work. These are sure fire ways to make sure that you are singing "One is the lonliest number".Why would someone marry a person with the same weaknesses as them? Amplified by the fact that everything going on around us in society causes men to RUN from marriage.


The music we hear, talks about being ballers, players, and men sleeping with and desiring all the women in the world. Movies don't help either, many of them involve infidelity and it is made to look a lot more appealing than being faithful. We see so much free sex in the music videos, T.V., movies, we are constantly inundated by a myriad of reasons not to be married. Besides "alimony" and "child support" are curse words to a man.


The deck is really stacked against the instituion of marriage. So how do you beat the odds? What can you do to change this set of circumstances? I will tell you. Its all very simple


1. Its not the enemy, its the "inner me". A blind man once said "the keenest eye is the one that looks inward". Look into yourself. If you really search, you KNOW why you're alone. If you don't see why, then you're not looking hard enough. Now, no one is perfect but learning to hone and develop things that will be effective as a wife will greatly improve your odds. Developing things like cooking, maintaining a clean house, managing finance, balancing a well kept family (if you have children) all while looking good, you are on your way to succeeding where others have failed


2. The golden standard. Ok, I know what I'm gonna say sounds impossible but its the only way. WOMEN UNITE!! As long as you guys are fragmented and divided, you will never win. Women must hold men to a higher standard! Don't accept a mans foolishness. Demand your respect. Not by have a nasty attitued and pouting like a child. Not by standing by the car door until he opens it for you. That is at best stupid and foolish. But you demand respect by carrying yourself with respect and keeping a standard. That is what makes a man want to be that gentleman.




We will discuss more solutions in the next edition of "The Quick and Dirty". Stay Tuned for more

And You Wonder Why You're NOT Married

Oh my Goodness!! Why do I do this to myself every time!? I have to be crazy! Now, I do realize that after this blog, I'm gonna need security. Some of the ladies may try to kill me. At least the ones who fall into the catagories that I will explain shortly. Others will take it and apply it to life and get the great results, that many people testify to me about, from reading "The Quick and Dirty".

What I'm going to talk about in this blog is not an attack on women. It is information. Information that will help you to better understand the mindset of men in general. Trust me, I'm coming for the men next. All men are created equal but all men are not equal. At least not in the way that we think.

I hear many women say that "we out number men 7 to 1 in some places and age groups", "there are many men in prison, married or gay and there are no good ones left", "men are DOGS", "men don't want 'good' women", "men can't be faithful", "if I stick to my guns and do right, then a man will just go down the street to the next one". The list goes on and on. Though many of these things that women say may be true to some extent, it is not the "be all and end all".

So what do we think about why many women aren't married? Well, isn't it obvious? Men don't want to get married because of WOMEN!! I'm sorry, SOMEBODY had to say it. Well, there it is in nutshell.

Understand this ladies. Men are very simple creatures. We are not complex AT ALL. The Quick and Dirty on this is pretty simple. If you make life easier, we will stay. If life increases in difficulty when you are around, then "its a wrap".

Ok, I can feel the daggers and the comments coming as we speak. But hey, it is what it is.

There is another reason. I just recently read an article that explains that many men don't want to get married for fearful reasons. More men fear a failed marriage more than being single. See, divorces can be ugly and messy (but they are necessary at times for infidelity, domestic violence, etc...). The thought of men having to deal with an ugly court battle, child support, alimony, visitation rights, another man "around my kids" syndrome, being a statistic, the list is endless, is a very unnerving thought. Who wants to be bothered with all that? Why would he trade his freedom, peace and quiet, not having to "report in" to somebody, can do what he wants with his money, can come and go as he pleases, etc... for a captivity that has more than a 50% chance of failure? More than 50% percent of all marriages are ending in divorce.

If that isn't enough, some women don't help at all. The silliness, and ridiculous petty drama does not make us want to take our chances with the "M" word. Believe it or not, no man (in his right mind) wants to be married to a woman who's life resembles a "Housewives of Atlanta" episode. A man wants a good intelligent woman with good sense and maturity.

If you are a woman who whines a lot, you are going to be SINGLE. Would you like some cheese with all that  whine? Constant pouting and whining is irritating to a man. Our train of thought is very simple. If she is just my "girlfriend" then I can leave when she starts whining. If she is my "wife" then I have to live with it. Guess we ain't getting married.

Are you needy? If you are, another need you have (no pun intended) is to recognize that you are gonna be checking that "single" box on your tax forms. Needy women are going to be single! Why, because a needy woman will drain a man dry. Not just financially but emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically. A man wants a woman who is capable of functioning while he is not present. In other words, he wants a woman who can "hold it down".

Now, it is a mans nature to want to be a woman's "knight in shining armor" but not necessarily every single day. That kind of rescuing would wear out every knight at the round table! Understand that a man is there to help you and will gladly do anything that you desire. However, he wants a woman and doesn't want to raise a daughter. Balance is key. Even if you are very independent, its good to show some "selective vulnerability".

 See ladies, its not bad so far. In the next edition of  "The Quick and Dirty" we will delve deeper in why some women aren't married and how you can change it. Stay tuned for more.

But you say He's/She's just a friend III !!!

Finally, my friends, we are coming to the end of our journey into ever changing world of friends

of the opposite sex. In our finale of this edition of "The Quick and Dirty" we will discuss how to come out on the winning side of the dilemma.

Can you actually win? Is it better to just leave it like it is? Or, is it just BURNING inside you to tell

them or it will drive you CRAZY!!?

Well my friends, you are in luck! YES WE CAN! I'm not President Obama but we can win this friend challenge, even if you mess up a little. So I will give you the "Terry 'Pep' Carter Bailout Plan". I guess this will be as good a time as any to issue my disclaimer. If you have already egregiously messed up with a friend, I may just be able to get you back to level ground. For you that have messed up, you can call this the "Terry 'Pep' Carter Double or Nothing plan".

1. Carefully assess the risk. Okay, you have to take into account all the

pros and cons. Really analyze the situation. See do you really have feelings for them or is it just a phase. Do you have reason to believe they have feelings for you? Can you accept if they tell you the feeling isn't mutual? Can you perform if the feeling is mutual? Can you accept being just a friend? Answer these questions and proceed further, or proceed no further.

2. Plan carefully. If you have made it to this second principle then you

have realized that you have true feelings for the person. Now its time to plan. How will you tell them? When will you tell them? What is their current situation and state of mind? What would give you the best advantage in your endeavor. You must figure out these and other

things? Though it is illegal in trading commodities, use inside information to answer these and other questions. That point will lead us to the third principle.

3. Take advantage of them! OK, I'm just kidding. Settle down! In all sincerity, use your advantages! You know your friend well, you should know what they like and what they don't. You know what turns them on and off. They trust you and confide in you. If you really have true feelings for them, cause them to explore the possibilities of another level of relationship. But how? Well, with the fourth principle of course! Which is.........

4. Show not tell! Not show AND tell! Guys, if you are out with your female friend, be attentive to her, be a gentleman. Don't look around at other woman and comment on their upper and lower anatomy. Pay for her meal, or movie etc... Look into her eyes when she talks to you. Engage in

conversation that is meaningful to her, open doors for her, hold her hand if you have to cross the street (then let go after you reach the other side). Smile at her, compliment her, not flatter her. Flattery usually always has a hidden agenda. A compliment is sincere and genuine. Let

her know that you respect her and that you think highly of her. This will move you to the next level if done correctly and sincerely.

Ladies, if you are out with your male friend who you have feelings for, look nice for him. Have you hair looking nice. Have a Mani/pedi done. TRUST, guys DO pay attention!! Men are visual

creatures. Don't assume that just because you guys are friends and he may have seen you on a bad hair day or with your hands and feet "chipped" up or without a "fill in", that he wants to see that all the time. Don't bombard him with silly senseless conversation about the woman on your job who is trying to destroy you, or who was talking about you, or what hater didn't like your hair, how lonely you are and how guys are no good, or your latest gossip, etc... Instead, talk about things that are stimulating. Show that you are intelligent,have good sense, and are well

rounded. Current events, music, hobbies, movies, philosophical ideas, etc... are good things to discuss in an intelligent fashion. Ask him about his passion, his current endeavors. If you talk about a mans passion, he will open up to you.

5. If you have followed the first 4 principles, then you should be in position for the fifth and final principle. Water the plant, don't drown it! This is the most important principle. If you water a plant excessively,

then you will kill it. If you water it wisely then it will grow and flourish. Don't over saturate the individual. If you do the 5 principle that we just discussed, then the person will be thinking about you and will be considering a relationship with you. Maintain the gain. Don't overdo it. Ladies, don't give in to complex emotions when you see progress. Guys don't over saturate her

and irritate her. Let things germinate and blossom. Keep on doing what you do to interest them and the seeds will grow. You will love the results.